...I Bang My Pillows...[The Fight for Sobriety]

In the fight for sobriety....I nod for permission....

I BANG my pillows in order to prevent my tears from drowning me within my drifted lack of slumber. The sheets no longer able to soak the drunkenly conduct of pain induced by my hearts strings. Banging to release the very sounds of silence that consume me. I am chained to my bed to relish in misery. Fighting for sobriety. UN-able  to ask for help in the darkness. Again inflicted by conflict. Gashing cuts and bruises upon sanity. My sheets shelter me....as the night falls upon me

...unable to sleep, think, eat and breath

The sheets soaking simultaneously The walls returning to stare upon me whispering among themselves.

"I

B A N G

M Y 

P I L L O W S

Because they S O F T E N    E V E R Y  

B L O W"

 Life throws at me...falling on wounded knees and sore shoulders. It is too heavy to carry Secure within my mattress where N O O N E judges me Shaking haphazardly... I BANG my pillows...as love slowly fucks me over. Prickling my most sensitive thoughts. Turning the knife in my back to prevent recovery. 

Drowning in Layersby Azmyst

I cannot take the PAIN so I BANG MY PILLOWS

Fighting defeat

WAR against the loss Forgetting that before being a common denominator.

I was simply ONE. Beating on them like drums in order to release the vibrations I cannot pronounce into words. The Lump in my throat too great to utter any other sounds besides a heavy whimper. I BANG MY PILLOWS...As they define my solitude. Cold where I do not lay.

Solitude as I try to stack them into a warm body.

Lies to myself that I am okay. Letting out frustration well dressed in the day.

Wishing for them to explode and bathe feathers onto reality softening the harshness of daylight.

Enclosed within the corner of such a big empty space. I BANG MY PILLOWS...for Relief...that never comes...creating a song...of skipped heartbeats and desperation lingering within the grips of my phalanges. Needing to Release...I BANG my pillows...to make me believe I am that closer to being Free. To inflict physical wounds as to numb the interior struggle to remain afloat.