On perfectionism
As a double Virgo who is projected the concept of perfectionist or have suffered from it on occasion I have come to realize.
It is predominantly found in Black, brown, queer and marginalized people the most. The opportunity to make a mistake or fail is not usually an option. A form of survival and survivors guilt wrapped in one.
Perfectionism I chose to redefine it as the fear of not being able to learn it immediately. It is a failure of creativity and a weak point or exhaustion of resiliency when the world is hard enough.
A silent question we ask Why invite criticism beyond my own? So I shall be worst than any critic. Perfectionism prevents me from experiencing my full self realization. I attempted to do an event and it was an absolute disaster. The shame I felt was internally crippling. But — I procrastinated out of the overwhelm of what could grow from the success and how well I wanted it to be from the very beginning. Big huge plans to make this glorious thing. I wanted it to be the best experience externally. My need to overplay led to under-execution.
Many times I’ve succeeded in something simply by having a light plan, a vision, and then DOING IT. No procrastination. Which procrastination is a result of perfectionism the little voice that says if I juggle everything well enough and do it all myself it will be great. In comes the internal freeze. I’m holding this world I created myself on my shoulders. But I MUST ! Because perfection doesn’t ask for help!
it’s ok to to hit the wall—don’t let Perfectionism be the wall, we hide behind. Your shine is waiting on the other side. The true satisfaction comes through making it happen. At least for me. I have found the celebration more glorious when I may have cried through the confusion. Broke down to ask can you help me I’ve exhausted all ways to figure out how to do whatever it is. The moment I said so hey friend can you help me do (insert specific thing they are great at anyway. Allow people to surprise you. Some people aren’t going to and that’s their boundary but community is willing to jump in. Let them.
The truth is—what seems perfect, the highlight reels of social media are results of starting where you are. It includes being audacious.
In all honesty we may have experience and knowledge of many things. But most times you gotta just wing it with a plan. Perfectionism prevents the expansion of self.
The shaky hand, the confusion, the how the f do I ? Is what gets us a step in the right direction. The YouTube university of wait a minute play that again. The Pinterest board. The oh crap. The I tore this thing. In therapy, my art therapist said — sometimes creating the space/the thing is enough.
Light the fire and let the rest unfold.
P.S.
The cool thing is that Saturn oh sky daddy or grandma really celebrates your ability to be resilient in the newness in the discomfort of possibility. The showing up each day as you are and continually and intentionally doing your best is enough for Saturn to bring us blessings. It’s the shortcuts and the bypassing that gets us in trouble. And not the good kind but the karmic kind. Saturn knows that life is messy and asks how long will you commit to the fear of the mess vs learning from it?
Over time what has been down goes up. What goes does come around Saturn asks will you stay paralyzed or will you choose to try a million new ways gain wisdom. The true failure is in not attempting and staying in the same place. Experience & growth is the time we gain towards excellence. Not necessarily perfection.
