the unraveling of love
I have been thinking of all the ways love exists in my life and doesn’t in past discussions I have come to a few different ideals.
Vulnerability as a bridge and a gift that is mutual and beautiful and often times feared. What a waste of lifetime to be afraid of our softness, our transparencies that most times are made to be a weapon called flaws. It keeps us human and tells us who deserves to keep getting this gift. It is often a mutual energy exchange and often not. I have suffered many a wall, a closed door instead of an invitation. However in holding my self accountable I was being mirrored back the cement blocks I built around myself fear is like arthritis it attacks our bones and make us rigid, inflamed, and for many immobile.
Why would I want my heart — this strong fleshy muscle crystallize into fear that all it does is hurt especially when it’s raining?
Love is ample I think individualism robs us of this. It honors all the shapes of each puzzle until together we makes an image, a maze, a tapestry of art works brought together. Community. We are all the village and the child and are symbiotic.
When I lost romantic love I gained a depth of newfound loves within people I didn’t know could offer to share themselves this way with me. In turn I became more of my own love and share it freely knowing I cannot run out. Soulmates have been a moment through a passerby, a connection of an evening, a friend for a week, everything “has its own time - cada persona tiene su tiempo.” So why cling on to forever in romantic love why cling at all?
We can hold the space of love we had and have for others even when they aren’t here. Be it that our time ended agreeably or haphazardly — it was beautiful it was right in the moment that I was. The past you can still love that person without needing attachment. I always think of Jose Alberto El Canario’s Mi’s Amores — in that moment we were tal para cual. He reviews his loves and cannot say, refuses to say who made him happiest or was a mistake because it was love regardless.
It is an eternal journey — finding strangers that love us more than we can at the time love ourselves and through that teach (Chiron) we learn we are love, loving, loveable, and it’s overflow.
may we do so wholeheartedly — without holding back and whatever someone else does with it isn’t that we are flawed everyone hasn’t figured out the depth of their well yet. Some will never know they go beyond a shadow pool. Some only cling to possession and assumptions of what it should be vs being in the love itself. Some aren’t interested at all. When it’s not on the same frequency we pivot and tune in elsewhere.
Love can be beautiful and meaningful even if it’s for a moment. It still happened and at this instant it was everything we needed. The exhaustive often comes because we and I push beyond it’s time. It’s ok so see a balloon fly in the sky and wonder where it will go without you. Even if we skip up and try to capture it we risk hurting ourselves and keeping what wants to be free anchored.
My song can be too loud to high pitched to deep toned. All that too too too others say measure they’re ability to read your music. We can take accountability by offering more information but anyone dedicated to the confusion isn’t my person (anymore) I cannot make music in places where they prefer cacophonies. So I must go where everyone is continually trying to harmonize. I wish to be loved in liberation often times it is a lonely road — especially when there is overflow of one’s own love we wish to share in a different channel — be it we desire romantic love, friendship, parental, sibling, neighborly, community, etc.
Pero Al fin, alla vive Mas gente y con casa de concreto y con vista al mar, como decía Mami Tomasa
