Raging 30s 2/30

“please don’t ask me— do you still love me”

Welcome to the beats that cut like shards 

Singing to love songs knowing they dissolve in my mouth like pop rocks of amnesia 

Maturing into I deserve mores, fighting the comfort of settling/for a moment of touch/a lifetime of breaking the same old/cyclical songs you have no choice but to skip 

These ice packs on overworked knees 

where begging and submission aren’t a customary dance to false gods

Fuller hips and self imposed empty belly

Still craving, change, difference

Abstaining out of necessity and in weakness 

Divine interceptions

Welcome to higher self vs the Goliath of controlling ego. Sometimes my heart:

asks about them.

Sometimes staring at my nudity

It asks about me. Many times I have intelligible answers.

Wedges switched for sneakers for sandals for bare feet crunching into grass or stuffing into sand 

Hair wild, switching, noncompliant, disobedience

Dear heart

let’s dance into the unconventional freedoms of unfitting boxes and on occasion clothing. Dieting from self-doubt. Holding handsat times dragged through the mudwith the universe. Flawless face beatlipstick matteno promiseno phone callkinda dating/myself 

Newfound powersoftnessboundariesno sense of time for nonsensesilent baths and loud books/joy = tears now

Welcome to the raging 30s