Welcome back to creatively exposed and this has been a really Lazy Sunday. And I know I probably even sound a little sleepy. But the theme that I've had over and over in my head and in my heart since last year that I wanted to discuss is you know, we always talk about goals but we never discuss to you love yourself enough to reach your goals. And when I say goals, I'm not just talking about like, I'm gonna lose five pounds this month or something. But like, the stuff that scares you the things that we have been avoiding it The hard complicated things where we have no idea what we're doing but no in our soul like Yo, we had to do this. Do you love yourself enough to hit your goals? And I had a discussion with my therapist A while back and I was finding it hard to feel that what I dream about and what I truly desire as the life. I really truly want to live. It feels intangible. It feels to drain me because I'm accustomed to working really hard to burning out to kinda I have to suffer in order to get to my next step. And to, to dream of being fully creative. And maybe even and not so far future that completely pivoting my life in a direction that feels kind of unsafe. Because I don't know about you, but it's my this is what I should be doing. I have to go to this job and work these eight to 10 hours and be at home for like, or this is what reaching goals are. Right. And when I got to a point where that is no longer enough for me I found it scary and off putting. And my therapist said and I'm paraphrasing. Our ancestors went through these hardships and went through the suffering in the incapability to live their dreams. Freedom. So we could and just the thought of that conversation makes me emotional. Because I think we, people of color especially are so wired to earn our freedom to continue suffering and narrowing our vision. into hardship and that is what your results and this is really a read for me and if it touches you then you know it was supposed to be for you and I hope it does and it got me thinking like to I love myself enough to reach these dreams and in the answer is what I find what gets me going. Like do I feel worthy enough to not follow every should do I feel valuable enough to know that I am an offering? Do I see That I am supported in this dream, that isn't really a dream. It's a goal that feels just too big that I haven't grown into yet. And so I asked you that question. And if you don't feel like you're enough, you're worthy enough. I think that's that's the beginning where we have to start uncovering and excavating like, why not? Why not me? Why not this vision that I've never seen before or that I've been holding on to for a long time and shoved into the back of the closet. Why not get off this hamster wheel of life and go down the road. That I really want to travel down, accompanied or not, you might lose people on the way and if that's the happens, and that's just part of the journey. And so I now know where I want to go. And I'm getting to the place where it's like, I don't even have to know how I'm gonna get there. I just know that I'm gonna make it there. And I think that in itself is powerful. And not, you know, just being on the couch and just, you know, waiting for things to happen and doing nothing. And it's funny because I'm reading something really interesting that Fred had sent to me weeks ago. And it's about your north node and if you have no idea What I'm talking about it's, you know, astrology. There's a part in your astrological birth chart which you pull up by a birthday, where you were born and the time and is called the north node. And that is basically your destiny, like why you're in this current life? And what are you here to learn and give you some insight on your past life as well. And it's the uncomfortable stuff. It's where you feel insecure while being in that energy. And so I say that because for me Not to know and to not overbuild and over plan. My way of getting to this dream life is a version of me getting into alignment. And so I bid you to meditate on this question of do I love myself enough to reach my goals? My life that I really want to live because to allow life to happen to you. And this is in my opinion, because of what I've been learning and experiencing. To allow life to run you is a form of self sabotage to let life just happen to you, itself abandon it in a certain way, right? There's a lot of things we can't control. And that's just law. But what if we had life had a life where we took it by the reins and wrote it like one of those mechanical bowls. Laugh, be ridiculous and be relentless. Sometimes we do fall when you know throws you off. Take a break. Give it a couple of deep breaths and jump right Back in seeing that's where I'm at right now. And sometimes I don't really, you know, know where I'm going, or what I'm doing. But I'm just kind of feeling my way through and through the darkness but not in the negative connotation. It's the lack of light and being able to feel my way through the universe's direction. And I am not that great at surrender. But when I do I know that it feels right. So I was gonna start school. And that's what's funny. My soul was like, are you sure Is this the right subject for you? and things just started clicking and I'm like, oh snap. And I applied for something last year. And it kind of unleased like a little light to what I'm pivoting into. And it's a whole plot twist on life like you would. And so my pivoting and what it's what it is, I'm excited about it. And I haven't been excited like that for a long time. Yeah, it's gonna take longer than I thought it would, but it's divine timing. I think I tend to push and force things I'm literally that you know putting a circle and a square peg even though Loki if the circle is small enough it will fit but I digress. Forcing things make them break and that includes yourself. And so I want to go into the next episode to talk about the heart shocker. Because that is our value system. self love, love of others receiving love money because if you don't feel worthy, how are you supposed to attract worth and when this year started my chest well before it started actually I'm in December, my chest has been feeling like somebody's sitting on top of it. I'm like, Whoa, what? What is this? And then the first day of the year 2020 I felt the exact same way and I'm like, I need some heart chakra healing. And none of these chakras heal overnight. Because that's what imbalance does, doesn't just you know, but I hope that it will be a useful episode because this is the year of 2020 vision, seeing things clearly And how about we see ourselves clearly first? So I leave this to sit with you while I'm trying to work on a million different things. Sometimes it's good to sit back and be like, yo, is this the right thing? And wait till fear goes silent. Go silent long enough for fear to be quiet and test things out. You know, I think we are our greatest experiment. Sometimes, you know, the result is not what we expected, positive or not. But we put so much pressure on ourselves to be this thing, this pretty particular thing. And who taught us that? Is it ours? Maybe we'll Be that day. Why not? be easy. And until next time, think about do I love myself enough to reach my goals? Stay tuned for the heart chakra episode. A Don't forget that you are magic. You know there'll be this charisma here. Probably will say magic. Thank you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
