New Moon in Leo
It’s the new moon and I have been awake since 7:03 am.
My travels have left me open and wanting and filled with the desire for a more that cannot be bought nor Amazon primed.
I feel an urgency — Hambre for a passionate life, filled with arduous living. A desperation for the easily overlooked beauty of getting flowers at the market and liege waffles & cheeses that can be tracked to farmers.
Knowing it might be too rich for me since I’ve been non dairy and flexi vegan for a while.
A life of getting lost in roads of cobblestones and families and held hands and bakeries filled with foreign languages.
Perhaps i have needed poets of life to remind me I am one.
After years of disillusionment, I have become alive and starving for more of whatever ansias this is.
Perhaps it was hours traveling around in the back of a boat gazing and discovering what has been for ages.
Yes the world is burning, colonialism and racism is killing the earth so why not—love as deeply as possible. With abandono to what is supposed to, should, must be and simply do it. “aunque tenga que llorar.” — like Blanca Gil says in the song Hambre—which we heard amongst souvenirs before our delayed flight back.
a world where boleros are played before you leave if that isn’t poetry as life — I don’t know what is.
I’d like to Eat a croissant and gaze outside of a windows instead of scurrying through life. doing things for the joy of it. I haven’t felt alive in and bursting at the seams for want, for feeling more than something but everything.
To be a poet in mind body spirit and present, I think life in this society eats away at this until it’s a whips of a festering memory. Now I get it why so many of our elder poets & liberation visionaries Baldwin, Dr Maya Angelou, Nina Simone, Malcom X and the list goes on would leave the America for abroad come back new — or is it more of the self they agreed to become originally—more of their true and honest self.
Grief and rage as default leaves us permeable, leaking energy, filled with holes, they are sacred tools but anything in excess can become illness.
for many this is a privilege — something intangible—and I must honor this but as a Black woman in America —if I can I shall and I will keep configuring a life that makes me want to be the main character of my own story. I couldn’t figure it out before — seeing my cousin and wondering how is it that she barely uses her phone and lives a life of intimate interactions and music and make up and fashion and it is more than fulfilling. She said “I love my life like I am the main character of an old film.” -E.R.
I’ve searched for my own how’s of this. And it found me.
My heart feels like overflow but it needs a home, a place for it to expand. Where will it lead me, I ponder?
It has only been a few days and I miss the flavor of salted butter and fresh croissants. Even the damn friets that come in such a huge portion.
This new moon in Leo very much feels like an activation— it rules the heart (Leo does) and for there to be initiation in it and feel it is miraculous. What do you envision ? Where has your heart been dormant?